Illusion vs Reality: Are We Dating?

The internet and social media have changed the way we date: we can meet more people faster. And we face a bigger selection of people than we would without the media.

In theory, this should make for better matched relationships: before the first date, we can seep through the ‘offer’ and decide to date only a pre-selection of people according to our gusto. After the pre-selection, all dating steps (as discussed elsewhere on this site) apply, we need to date only 12, select the 13th etc etc

Another possibility is, however, that those who date with the help of the net are under the illusion that their own gender is outnumbered. And that the access to a great number of singles of the opposite sex means that the outnumbered ones have proportionally stronger bargaining power and can date effort-free. Meaning they can write the rules to an extent, impress their preferences on the dating game, and altogether invest less effort to find the right person. The chroniclers of our times in the NYT seem to have registered this tendency.

However, ‘effort free dating’ or ‘non dating’ are still the fruit of an illusion. The world is just the same as before the net; and the numbers of each gender are just the same as before, with and without social media. The strategy of lower effort and serial hook-up does not lead to a match. Less dating effort means less (relevant) knowledge about a potential mate and  therefore a potentially worse choice, counter-acting the positive effect of a more connected world.

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