Anna Fels’ insights about attention remind me of Sonia’s story. Sonia, a shy, smart girl, was your typical wallflower. She would not push herself to the limelight, was soft-spoken, and her smallish frame did not usually call the attention at parties. Sonia was not getting much attention. However, the people who made it through to her would realize how cute she actually was, as well as smart and funny. There had never been a boyfriend.

Sonia was active in her community and had a wide network of friends. Enter Fr. Jim. Sonia and Fr. Jim struck up a platonic friendship, and he would soon become some sort of older brother. Her sounding board, her affirmer – in short, he would shower honest, affectionate, but platonic attention on her. Sonia had a ‘man in her life’ like never before, and, if she had once felt a gap in that area, it was now at least partially filled.

Gradually, people tended to oversee her less. About half a year after becoming friends with Fr. Jim, she started dating Michael.  And the last time I checked they were happily married and had two kids. – By the way, Jacqueline, Beth and Becky also started dating their husbands roughly half a year after knowing Fr. Jim – and he didn’t introduce the husbands or know them.

Thing is, Fr. Jim was a rainmaker. (Do watch that film.)

So: get yourself a friend from the other sex to shower you with honest attention. Someone with a vocation of celibacy or gay or both. Then just wait.